the small creative

So I was home in Texas, post-camp, just twiddling my thumbs, when I decided to go through with something I've been wanting to do for a while.

I finally changed my blog name.

Not that's not it, but that still was necessary. Ugh.

I started an Etsy shop (!!!!)

WHAT am I literally doing, reader? Not a clue. Let's learn. Bahh.

Reader, welcome to the clutter of my brainwaves.

It's called "the small creative". I thought of it as I was driving home from another Panera adventure I have weekly with my Savannah high school pals. It was around 8 AM on a Friday morning in November. I was probably listening to bagpipe music and trudging down Abercorn (pre-Truman Pkwy extension, for you Savannah folk). I returned back to the house and wrote all this down. And also this little bit:

11/22/13

The Small

A part of my job in the fine art world will be to self promote myself. My art, my voice, my portfolio, resume, website, blah blah blah. 
But *plot twist* my life here on earth has a purpose that is far from that. 
To know and love God. 
To make Him known, and to love others to show Him. 
So, what do I do with that?
And how can it be genuine?
God gave me a desire to create, and to draw cute things and just get messy and learn how to make lovely works. 
It's cool because it's not mine.
So let it be His.
God can use anything to point to Him. 
I am small, He is big. 
Let the small things I make be used by a big, marvelous God. 
Giddy up. 

This thought floated around for a bit before any action was finally taken. More like a holiday break, another couple quarters of school, and a summer.

Ha. Ok.

"the small creative"

The "small" part of the name:

We (humans) are just the tiniest.

Check out this video by Francis Chan:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ya12I036lg

Ya, we are tiny.

So outer space is cool and huge. But now look at what a big guy like God thinks of us small people.

An excerpt from "Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing" by Sally Lloyd-Jones

God's Little Finger

King David was marveling at God's Universe.

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him...?"
PSALM 8:3-4 (ESV)

But he didn't say God made the universe with his arm- or even his hand. He said, "God, you made it with your fingers!"

The vast universe is so small to God that for him it's like making a toy model- with just his fingers!

If the Milky Way galaxy were the size of North America, our solar system would be a coffee cup, and earth would be a speck of dust inside the cup. 

The universe is tiny to God!

What are human beings next to God?
Nothing. 

And yet God says you fill his mind. 


What in the world. A little speck. A little sinful speck that acts like a punk most of the time, thinking greedy thoughts and obsessing over self. A speck who is ungrateful and distracted more than not. A speck who is loved by a God who sent His Son down to die. He died so us specks could be with Him forever, perfectly. What. I could go on and on- but maybe later.

Not only are we small, but we are somehow filled with God-like qualities. He crafted us with care and lavished us with His good things. Things such as intelligence, being good with kids, humor, barbecue mastery, athleticism, love of nature, creativity... The traits that make you different and make you tick. That's on purpose.

I just want to make neat things. The ability to enjoy creating is a gift. I run out of ideas and motivation, but God refreshes me over and over. I don't deserve it. I didn't earn it. I'm free to create and share and chat. The ultimate desire is to make good. And it looks like pretty things, funny drawings, and making friends. And the seed is growing with a little Etsy shop created by a junior in college who wants to create for the rest of her days (and make cash from it too ya know).

So there's "the small creative".

Giddyup.

https://www.etsy.com/shop/thesmallcreative

insta: @thesmallcreative

american idle

WELL HI

It has been like half a year since the last post. Oops. Also I spared you, reader, by re-designing the blog before typing a single word on this. It took only a finished semester of school and a month into summer to come back and realize how much the old design abused the poor blog-reading eyes. I cannot even believe you took time to read this thing when all you could soak in was corny font and a loud repeat pattern of splatter-painted clouds. You wonderful creature. Anyway, I'm hoping this new look doesn't give you as much of a headache as you hopefully persevere through this whole post. Hm. Now what to chat about.

Reader, if you've been journeying with me at all this year, you would know that the purpose of this blog is not to catch you up on the detailed happenings of my life. That would be exhausting (and boring) for both of us and it would make this all about me. A much more purposeful approach is to express how the Lord has worked and taught in my life, and hopefully something you can find hope in or relate to as well. God is BIG and is worth talking about all the time, my reading friends.

Currently floating in the deep of summer, I've discovered something. I have three places where I have lived most of my life at. The first is Savannah, Georgia where I attend school. The second is Pine Cove Christian Camps in Tyler, Texas where I've attended as a camper and get to spend my second half of summer there as a staffer. The third (and obvious) place of residency is my hometown in Dallas, Texas.  As I'm currently home in Dallas, I have a lot of time to reflect on life at the other two places. You see, dear Reader, the attitude I hold as a student away at SCAD or a staffer at camp is one of non-stop action and activity. In Savannah I realized that I functioned the best when I could balance my workload with involvement in things like Younglife and RUF, which always kept me busy and therefore not usually idle in my thoughts. At camp, a strict schedule is set for me, always surrounding me with other people and tasks, creating a purpose and drive within me that I usually can't make myself aquire on my own time.  To sum it up, at these places I feel like a non-stop engine just chugging along in the happy routines I've let myself obtain, and I forget what it's like to just lie on a couch and watch hours of TV and be okay with it.

And then the engine halts as I pull into my driveway in Texas.

There is nothing like coming back after spending most of your year elsewhere. Whenever I come home after a while I just have the urge to exhale violently and take a nose-dive onto my favorite napping couch in the living room with my cat. It's a safe place, that house, a place where there's always a guarantee of family and acceptance. It's a total home base, comfort zone, and sanctuary. And I'm utterly thankful for that. But here at home there's always this habit, you see...

I didn't realize the pattern early on in the game, but there's a tendency of sneaky, spiritual idleness that finds a way to creep in as I enjoy the comforts of home. I'm not constantly reminded of my need for Christ daily because, well, all my physical needs seem to be met when I'm under the roof of my parents and loved ones. I'm not necessarily mentally strained too, for whenever I'm home it's because of a break from my studies and busy life. So my guard is down, I leave my socks (and bundles of other junk) lying on my bedroom floor because I'm not sharing my space anymore, I watch more TV, and spending time in the Word is pushed aside more often than not in lieu of procrastination. I'm the weird, gross, lethargic version of myself. Yarf.

And then I think about rest. How are we supposed to handle this? Is that what I'm participating in right now?  Because everywhere else than here I'm up up up going going going and I'm with people 24/7. So it should seem that I deserve a month or so of laziness. But then why do I feel so crummy about it thus far?

I have a hunch that the difference between what I'm in right now versus real rest is that I'm not letting God experience it with me. I'm really into the verse Colossians 3:23, where it says everything we do should be for God, and not for man. I'm included in "man" here. If I switch off my communication with God, that is not a break for me. For you see, reader, when God isn't in my heart and mind guess who takes over? My sinful, worldly human noggin. It's actually the worst. Like you don't even realize it until you step back and realize why you do what you do. So when I'm "resting" from my adventure with Christ, it's not real rest because I let myself become enslaved to useless thoughts of this world. That could look different for a lot of people. But it can include worrying about the opinion of others or negative thought towards responsibility or rudeness to your family. We are s-i-n-f-u-l when we don't even mean to be you guys!!

TV is not a bad thing. Naps and staying in during the weekend are NOT bad. But reader, if you trudge through your days living for your personal "me time", a gray cloud of self will fog your sights on what you're called to do. Love God and love people. And sometimes I let myself get cranky and march out of work not making eye contact with anyone, just wanting to get home to my couch. That's probably not how Jesus would've done it. And it's hard. But that's why we get to depend on this neat Savior, even when we fail most of the time.

Rest is given by Him. Without it used as intended, we would probably pop or fall over. Because we can't serve without acknowledging that nothing we do is on our own strength. Breaks are supposed to rejuvenate the thirst for adventure. And Reader, I don't want to miss out on the adventure.

So please pray for me, as my break here is almost over as I head to work at camp for the second half of summer. Since it's a place I absolutely love, my fear is that I'll spend my days there for me, and not for serving the team of staffers and the middle school campers. Pray that I can merely be used to love people the way they need to be loved. Pray for the campers to experience a relationship with Jesus.

Pray that I can finally clean my room before I leave... sorry Mama Kat.

i'm a beaut

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." 
-C. S. Lewis 

   About six weeks ago for one of my drawing classes I had to write a 1500 word essay about beauty. Fun right? Duh. Well, first we watched this video of this British guy, Roger Scruton, ranting about how current art has turned "ugly" and "corrupted" due to the loss of appreciation of beauty in society. Things aren't created anymore just for the sake of beauty or loveliness- they have to have a use, benefit the viewer in some way, or make a loud, offensive "statement". He showed us examples of things like a urinal on display in a gallery or a pile of trash called "art". Or those modern paintings with a singular dot in the middle of a canvas that make you turn your head like a golden retriever puppy. You know, strange wacky things we art people pretend to find understanding in. 

"If something was to be created just for the sake of being beautiful and admired, there was simply enough of a reason for it’s utter existence, no questions. But there is a current battle against beauty, for the 20^th century call to “usefulness” has created a barrier to pure-motived creativity. Viewers are now consumers, looking around them asking, 'what can I get out of this?' and ignoring whatever they cannot personally get use out of."

   ^ An excerpt from my essay. I know you're absolutely dying to read the other eight pages, but I'm just going to tease you with that tidbit. Anyway, Reader, I bet you're asking yourself (self) "why is this girl talking about her weird art school homework and how does this apply to anything?" Well, inquisitive reader, typing this painfully thick essay actually made me think. I know, THINK. Wut. It make me think thoughts about the word "beauty" and why I do art. Honestly, I really just like to draw cute things that make people smile. I hate writing "artist statements" and I don't particularly enjoy having to throughly explain why I draw things. So there's that. 

   And then I thought about God. Yes, we knew that this post would classically take this turn. The Ultimate Artist. The Creator. The Potter forming His clay. We are His creation. And He calls us beautiful. Any why are we beautiful? Because we can offer Him anything or benefit Him in any way? Because He needs us? No. You guys, no matter how important we think we are, we are not vital to this world. We were created to simply be a delight and delight in the Father. He loves us for the sake that we are His, and we don't do anything or give anything to earn that. When I create a piece of art work on my own time, I put effort and thought into what I am creating. I am passionate about what I'm conducting, and after completing it I appreciate it. It can't give me anything, it can't serve me in any way. I just hang it up and give it value because it was created from my hands and I cherish it.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light."

1 Peter 2:9

   We are here to be cherished by the marvelous Creator and bring Him glory. Back to the dumb essay. The guy in the video made some interesting points that without frivolous things like beauty and loveliness, the quality of life is dead. What increases the quality of life?  Many people would say their goals in life are to get married, be successful in their career, have kids, have a balanced life... All wonderful things, of course. But if you merely check things off your life-list, true satisfaction never really seems to come. Many thoughts including terms like "purpose" and "happiness" float around in my mind. Many people do live with the intent to discover personal happiness, or an aspect of achieving goals and dreams. There have for sure been days like this. Days where I intend to get list of things done, or wake up and absent-mindedly ask myself "how can I best entertain myself today?". At a school where I'm told that my own artistic expression is the most important thing I have, it's so easy to mull through my days, just absorbed in how I can further this success. 

   But then I remember the life Christ wants for me. I remember Love and what living with that looks like. It's not throwing daily responsibility out the window. Do I want to be excellent in my work and do my best? Definitely. But I won't labor out of a fear of failure. I will work because God gave me a desire to create and the ability to do so, and I will simply use that in all I do. With this eternal perspective, a failure seems minute. And it's freeing to give these tasks to the Father who can do as He may with them, and always knows the best way to do them. So the pressure ain't on my limited human abilities, twitches. It's by His strength I get to do everything. PTL, as the kiddos say.  

   So the C.S. Lewis quote we began with. Friendship. Relationships. So the quote made me think of this little post I'm currently typing. Like beauty, friendship can be seen as a delicacy, something not usually a priority by those who wish to "succeed". But a life without loving others is a dead one. We were created to be relational. And there's a different between establishing a large social base and walking through life with others. We make friends with either intentions to receive love or give it fully. And if I'm socially floating around, silently screaming to be accepted and better-dealing some over others to feel the best about myself, I will grow numb to deep friendship- that is NOT how the relational kingdom is supposed to work. Listening and being there and loving (and sometimes not receiving love in return)- that's the cup of tea we're looking for. If I'm the biggest, baddest, most glitzy-glam children's book illustrator in the U.S.A. (ha), but I leave my SCAD experience without having grown in an ounce of fellowship, that would honestly be time wasted. Absorb that for a sec. That kind of takes the stress away, honestly. I'm still going to work hard, but if I'm not the #1 or the most appreciated, that is okay because the most important thing in my life is to love God and love people. And when I'm on my dorm floor scribbling lines at 2 AM for a project due the next morning, it's honestly going to be okay. Because the perspective I get to live with is an eternal one, this is a mist of a life. And PRAISE GOD that my mist isn't supposed to be about me and my success. Pressure off. Poof. 

a different royal fam

I love The Kingdom.

  Y'all. It is BIG. And growing. And intentionally weaved with different parts and designs that can only be imagined by a glorious creator. Reader, think about how many people there are in the world, and how different everyone is. All the talents, all the different passions and likes and dislikes that make people tick. I go to a concert or the mall and I see all the people. God created ALL of them. Like DANG. And He KNOWS them, better than anyone can. Think about how everyone has a gift for something, how everyone is good at a certain thing. That is not an accident. The Lord has implanted abilities in us that we choose to do something with. And our limited human sights aren't satisfied until we realize that these gifts don't flourish like they could until they are geared towards something bigger. Specifically, we were all made for a Kingdom.

  The Kingdom is diverse, one of the big factors in its beauty. People are meant to be different than one another. Yes indeed. Coming from an original atmosphere that made conformity something to be desired, I was met with shock as I hopped into a college with every type of person out there. I wasn't sure how I was going to find anyone relatable and I felt myself at first longing for a return to the land of Nike shorts and big T-shirts (not dissing those, I love myself a good tee). But as the weeks have passed and as I have expressed somewhat in my past posts, I learned so much about myself and others and how Christ is still present and working everywhere. And I've started to grasp how rich life is when everyone is different. Like how the best sitcoms have a quirky mix of characters, so does real life. Yes.

  God is very, very intentional about His creation. He made some people outgoing and others quiet. He gave some gifts of encouragement and others an ability to speak or serve. I love how He implanted different desires in our hearts to pursue and serve in different fields, whether it's speaking truth into campers or freeing child slaves or listening to the struggles of a coworker. He can make any son or daughter in His kingdom have the potential to do BIG things- glorious, love-driven things. And if you have a talent or a fetish for something, you be awesome at that not because you are awesome, but because you were gifted by a Father who loves you enough to let you be apart of something bigger and divine. You guys. There is literally nothing good in us apart from Christ. I love how the Bible says that Christ is "the head" on this body of believers. The human body is a complicated thing, perfectly puzzle-pieced together with bones and organs and cells that all serve different purposes, but work together for one purpose, to keep a body alive. The Head, or Christ, is vital in this body, The Kingdom, to function. Try cutting off the head, it's not good news.

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

Ephesians 4:16-17  

  So. As believers, we spend a lot of our lives wondering where we fit in this Kingdom. And we wonder if our desires match up with His desires. And we worry what will happen if we don't get what we've been dreaming about for years, even though the plan seems like a good one. And we try to figure out the system, try to wrap our logic around the fact that the Lord gives us the things that make our hearts tick and He wouldn't mark out a path that you weren't passionate about. So what do we do with that? As a currently answer-less daughter of the King, all I can personally say is that I am living in His embrace, unsure of what to do with what He's given me but comforted in the fact that in the end He will have glory and it will be good. And His plan will for sure be more creative and worthwhile than mine. And if I knew the whole plan, I wouldn't be depending on the Lord nearly as much as I find myself doing.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:33-34

So, Reader. There it is.

the song post

I'm going to sing to you.

HA just kidding. 

On a less frightening note, this will be about songs that have somewhat ministered to me.

Reader, I’m trying to express my liking for these songs in the least cheesy way possible, so bear with me here.  I love my tunes. I love sharing tunes. And in college you listen to a lot of tunes while arting, studying, casual hammocking, etc. so my mind has been on, in, and around the tunes. Let’s see how many times I can use the word “tunes”. Tunes.

I’m thinking I’ll just share some of the big ones from the past few years, the songs that really helped me get to know God better. Isn’t it cool how God can speak through music? So tight.

Lord, I Need You - Chris Tomlin

Lord, I need You, oh I need You

Every hour I need You

My one defense, my righteousness

Oh God, how I need You

This one is a newbie for me as of this week. It’s kind of like my freshman year anthem so far, just the simple phrase “Lord I NEED you”. And every hour. Not just when the situation is convenient. Dang.

You Have Called Me Higher - All Sons & Daughters

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down

But you have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you will lead me Lord

Another freshman year anthem. I have no doubt in my mind the Lord wants me here at SCAD, even though I wasn’t exactly sure why. My college choice seemed clear when I made it, until when I actually got here and things were drastically different from home. The whole first week I wondered why I had the desire to give up familiarity, football games, car access, automatic “sisters”, and Texas. And now five weeks into it I realize that I have grown in crazily different ways than I would’ve if I just went to a normal school. Not bashing normal schools at all, but this for me personally was my latest “deeper” that the Lord wanted me to reach.

I Am Set Free- All Sons & Daughters

All Sons and Daughters. Shooki I love these guys. The title is most of the chorus. Just a jam-worthy song full of truth. We are set free from our sinful nature. P.S. Their brand new album is BUMPIN.

The Earth is Yours - Gungor

Creation sees You

And starts composing

The fields and trees they start rejoicing.

Holy, Holy Lord

The earth is Yours and singing

If you look up “The Earth is Yours in a Forest” on youtube you will find the acoustic/awesome version of this song where the people of Gungor use tree branches as percussion as they sing this song in a forest, no big deal. Gungor has been on my list for a while, and they worship in one of the most beautifully unique ways. Also the two lead singers, Michael and Lisa Gungor, are married… Yes please.  

From The Inside Out - Hillsong

Your will above all else

My purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Classic. This song ministered to me in junior high, when I was kind of grasping what it meant to worship the Lord via song without just singing empty words. I remember fancying the line “the art of losing myself”. First of all, it marked surrender as an “art”, which caught my attention (hello fine arts major). Second of all, it taught me that worshipping the Lord is not about me, and that sounds obvious but we totally do make it about us. And towards the end the song goes “and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise”- so many times my heart has cried for help to stop making it about me, and all I can do is ask for God’s help to focus on Him.

Oh, Happiness- David Crowder Band

Oh, happiness!

There's grace. Enough for us, and the whole human race.

I wrote this on my senior wall square. Just a joyous statement. Why are we happy? There’s grace given abundantly for all who accept it, that’s why.

No Fight Left – JJ Heller

There is no fight left on the inside

But maybe that's where I should be

I've given up trying

I'm giving it all to you

My girl JJ Heller. Her tunes are perfect for naps or nice days, and her lyrics are just genuine nuggets that sound so sweet. She’s a mom of two little daughters and her husband, Dave, plays music with her, and I will play her songs while my future babies fall asleep because she is that soothing. This song is a beaut, for it helped to remind me that defeat is where we should personally be, because it’s the Lord’s battle. And we’re victorious because He is victorious, not because we fight on our own. I remember listening to this song driving to school and using it as kind of a declaration of surrender for the day.

Your Love is Strong- Jon Foreman

Two things you told me

That you are strong

And you love me

Even though I knew and loved this song before Baby Ruths, it reminds me of camp this particular summer. The first night we were told that even though we were scared and overwhelmed, God is BIG and God is HERE. Simple as that. This song expresses this same simple thought, that His love is strong. And it’s so affirming to proclaim that. Also the rest of the song is full of beautiful scripture-inspired lyrics.

Sailing on a Ship – Phil Wickham

I’m sailing on a ship that’s bound for life

I wrestle with the wind against the tide

I'd leave it all behind to reach for more

I’m sailing on to Your golden shore

The skies go blue to grey

And I’m thrown from wave to wave

You still will hear these lungs singing hard

With every storm I face

I find a greater grace

That pulls me deeper into Your heart

This song gives me memories of laying out plates and silverware on the tables this past summer at camp. In the midst of the bustle to get meals ready for the campers, this song would play in the dining hall and I would feel this sense of floating rest as I tried not to spill pitchers of water and pink drink walking from table to table. Even though the words talk about being in a storm, I felt huge peace in finding greater grace going through life's uncertainty with Him. 

Carry Me on Your Back - Leeland

Even heroes fall down

And mountains won't last forever

But Your promise never fails

When the ocean is raging

I find stillness in Your presence

And I lift my voice to say

“Jesus take me away”

Another calm-in-the-storm song. I just love the illustration of that. Caught in the waves, the unpredictable winds, the darkness- yet you’re comforted and bound to the strong Savior. And when the strongest earthly things fail, He won't. Ever. Also this song was played in a camp video one year and I just keep on imagining smiling kids going down the zip line in slow-motion.

Always – Pine Cove Worship

I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm

My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay

My refuge and strength always

I will not fear, His promise is true

My God will come through always, always

And again with dependence on God. SO many songs about His kept promises in uncertainty! So good to dwell on. This was a big song for me this past summer when it came out on the new Pine Cove worship CD. We sang it at PCBC Fish Camp when I was a counselor for precious 5^th and 6^th grade girls. You worship differently when you are in a position like that, depending on the Lord to fill you up to pour out. Also this song played on loop while working in the PC camp store, sweet nostalgia.

Divine Romance – Phil Wickham

In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied

My favorite line of the whole song. Dank.

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) – Sanctus Real

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

I think I discovered this song my freshman year of high school. A year where I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. Not really knowing what’s going on, not being sure of yourself or your identity… This song and the passage in Jeremiah 17:7-10 about the heart being deceitful really helped me absorb the fact that I didn’t need to have everything in order to live a life for God- He knows and holds my heart, and that’s certainly enough.

So, there’s a few of the many... maybe you found something new for your next road trip playlist. Or if that doesn't suit, I could just sing to you. Do Re Mi.

foodie food

"As the deer pants for the water,

    so my soul pants for you, my God.

My Soul thirsts for my God, for the living God.

    When can I go and meet my God?"

- Psalm 42:1-2

  Reader, I'm trying to remember the last time I was legitimately thirsty. It was probably after working out (which I do like seven times a year anyways) or while I was working at camp this past summer. But thankfully, I've never desperately panted for water or nourishment. There have been more times than not where I eat for the sake of schedule or appetite, or to just eat because it's there (shout out to mai girls from DTown). I've never starved, I've never shriveled up like Spongebob in that episode at Sandy's house... So when I hear things like "I pant for the Word" or "I hunger for the Lord", I can for sure pretend I've fully accepted that as the truth, but reader, I honesty just don't know. 

  All I know is currently I'm thirsting for the Lord more than I ever have in a while. I find myself waking up in the mornings, not able to plant my feet on the ground (or leap... my dorm bed is annoyingly lofted) without soaking in some form of God's truth. The cool thing is I'm not even doing it out of guilt or because I feel like that's what Christians do, but because I honestly don't believe I can start my day on my own fuel. This hasn't personally occurred often; In the past the only things that got me in my Bible were "c" words like church or camp or convenience. On my own time, it honestly felt like more of a looming homework assignment. 

  As a growing believer in years past, I would pay attention to camp counselors or older Christians and think of them as so wise and "together" for starting their day with Christ and having this broad knowledge of the Word. I would imagine what it would be like to get to this "level" of Christianity, to have all my ducks in a row and obtain an organized, consistent quiet time to start each day. I'm kind of chuckling as I type this, remembering what I used to think of as such a neat, mature faith. I'm laughing because the Christian life is not limited to be defined by a thorough Bible-reading schedule, as I used to think. It's not a warm fuzzy "coffee and the Word" thing (look up "Stuff Christian Girls Say" on youtube). 

  Why has my face been stuck inside my Bible so much lately? Because I NEED HIM, dangit! I'm so out of my element right now in my first weeks of a new school, and He's literally all I got, and praise Jesus He's enough. My days aren't all the same, and praise God for that. The only consistency I've had is that I need Christ all the time, daily. When life is comfortable and when life is stinky. And He's always there. Always there to assure me that He's enough, that He's my best friend in this alternate environment. I'm not in my Bible because I have to check it off my list or because it's what "solid" Christians do. I don't feel obliged to read a chunk of the text to feel good about myself. I'm thirsting for the Lord because I need Him desperately. The Lord is my nourishment. My soul, like my body, needs nourishment. And Reader, I am not able to nourish myself.
  So Reader, I tell you all of this to encourage you that God doesn't call us to live in a predictable state with a predictable checklist, and my prayer is that you turn to Him for the sake of just depending on Him, not to earn His love (He already gives you that in abundance). Don't seek the Lord via His Word to become this awesome, better person. Open the scripture because we are messy, sinful, insecure people that need a Savior and need to be reminded of His grace and love constantly. And we can't jump out of 4-foot-high loft beds without Him. 

post number uno

  Hello there, reader. I stretched my two typing fingers (yes, I type with two fingers) to type up my first blog post to display to you, but after about one paragraph in, I realized so far I had just listed complaints about my current situation that could indeed bore you. I scanned over that paragraph, my reader friend, and then I questioned myself on my motive behind creating a blog. I realized what had been holding me back from creating one was the fact that many people take part in it for more of a journaling purpose, to vent about their problems and throw them back at the world. Well, reader, I then realized that I already have a personal, paper-bound journal that I keep only between me and God. I decided that it would not be wise to just vomit all of my thoughts and complaints via blog, but instead, cast all my anxieties upon the One strong enough to carry them all. So reader, I wish not to burden you with all of my struggles and thoughts, but I would love to just briefly share different things I learn along my journey with my Maker and Best Friend, and just share in moderation. Because how rough would it be if I took myself so seriously that I just laid all my whines and grumbles out for the whole internet to see, when I can just simply use this online opportunity to share what the LORD has done in my life.  

  So, to contain it in one nugget of a sentence, I've been home alone for quite some time due to my classes in Georgia not beginning until the second week of September, which results in my antsy, self-pitying state as most of my pals have already started their freshman years. And I ask myself (self), "what have I learned from my extended time alone in my hometown?". Well, since I'm still in the middle of this brief period in my life, it's hard to clearly lay it out. But I do know that I have had less distractions from spending time in the Word and just thinking a lot. Also, I find myself more available to listen to friends who are at school going through weird, new things and need someone on the other side to talk to. I've been doing more things I've always said I would do but never really would do if I had a set schedule, like taking a couple of solo trips to Starbucks with my Bible or driving on big highways to visit friends at DBU and Baylor (a BIG personal obstacle conquered this summer, I had an interstate phobia for years prior). Also, I bought a Christian non-fiction book and actually READ it. "Love Does" by Bob Goff. Reader, if you're a reader, read it. This guy is my new answer to the "if you could have dinner with anyone..." question. This guy, Bob, just shares awesome stories about the random things in his life and how God teaches him about His amazing love in all of them. Sounds simple, but the Gospel is pretty simple, isn't it? 

  So, post number uno almost wrapped up. Will all my posts be this scattered? Probably. What have I learned about the character of God in all of this? That He's enough, and He is here. When I feel lame for having few available friends and still dwelling in the land of my high school, God is always there to tell me He satisfies. That I don't need a vibrant social life to feel good about how life's going, and flexibility is a blessing to be available for those who need a nice chat. Harboring bitterness is lame and self-pity doesn't accomplish much, besides feeling rotten. So reader, go in a room, close the door, and don't feel like a dweeb for missing out on the activities of the world as you catch up with your always-available, never-changing God. And that, reader, is bumpin.