foodie food

"As the deer pants for the water,

    so my soul pants for you, my God.

My Soul thirsts for my God, for the living God.

    When can I go and meet my God?"

- Psalm 42:1-2

  Reader, I'm trying to remember the last time I was legitimately thirsty. It was probably after working out (which I do like seven times a year anyways) or while I was working at camp this past summer. But thankfully, I've never desperately panted for water or nourishment. There have been more times than not where I eat for the sake of schedule or appetite, or to just eat because it's there (shout out to mai girls from DTown). I've never starved, I've never shriveled up like Spongebob in that episode at Sandy's house... So when I hear things like "I pant for the Word" or "I hunger for the Lord", I can for sure pretend I've fully accepted that as the truth, but reader, I honesty just don't know. 

  All I know is currently I'm thirsting for the Lord more than I ever have in a while. I find myself waking up in the mornings, not able to plant my feet on the ground (or leap... my dorm bed is annoyingly lofted) without soaking in some form of God's truth. The cool thing is I'm not even doing it out of guilt or because I feel like that's what Christians do, but because I honestly don't believe I can start my day on my own fuel. This hasn't personally occurred often; In the past the only things that got me in my Bible were "c" words like church or camp or convenience. On my own time, it honestly felt like more of a looming homework assignment. 

  As a growing believer in years past, I would pay attention to camp counselors or older Christians and think of them as so wise and "together" for starting their day with Christ and having this broad knowledge of the Word. I would imagine what it would be like to get to this "level" of Christianity, to have all my ducks in a row and obtain an organized, consistent quiet time to start each day. I'm kind of chuckling as I type this, remembering what I used to think of as such a neat, mature faith. I'm laughing because the Christian life is not limited to be defined by a thorough Bible-reading schedule, as I used to think. It's not a warm fuzzy "coffee and the Word" thing (look up "Stuff Christian Girls Say" on youtube). 

  Why has my face been stuck inside my Bible so much lately? Because I NEED HIM, dangit! I'm so out of my element right now in my first weeks of a new school, and He's literally all I got, and praise Jesus He's enough. My days aren't all the same, and praise God for that. The only consistency I've had is that I need Christ all the time, daily. When life is comfortable and when life is stinky. And He's always there. Always there to assure me that He's enough, that He's my best friend in this alternate environment. I'm not in my Bible because I have to check it off my list or because it's what "solid" Christians do. I don't feel obliged to read a chunk of the text to feel good about myself. I'm thirsting for the Lord because I need Him desperately. The Lord is my nourishment. My soul, like my body, needs nourishment. And Reader, I am not able to nourish myself.
  So Reader, I tell you all of this to encourage you that God doesn't call us to live in a predictable state with a predictable checklist, and my prayer is that you turn to Him for the sake of just depending on Him, not to earn His love (He already gives you that in abundance). Don't seek the Lord via His Word to become this awesome, better person. Open the scripture because we are messy, sinful, insecure people that need a Savior and need to be reminded of His grace and love constantly. And we can't jump out of 4-foot-high loft beds without Him.